I'm talkin' and I ain't shuttin' up!

On Friday, I went to the OS and had the splint removed. I had a moment of panic when he said, "Well, maybe we'll leave it in for another week". On one hand, I didn't want to lose progress and go against his advice. On the other hand, I wanted to talk...and eat...and work!

He took out all the nasty elastics and let me brush my teeth...aaah! He then clipped a couple of wires attaching the splint to my upper braces. It didn't look as big as I thought it would be. It really looked like one of the trays I used to have for bleaching my teeth. One big difference though - it was nasty! It was black and had food bits stuck in it. I am not exaggerating the yuck factor. The OS said that the Peridex mouthwash makes it turn black. (Imagine what it does to my mouth? hmmm) I brushed my teeth again. (It was just as good if not better the second time).

I was certain he would attach elastics on some of the side hooks. He did so that I have one set one each side. I was not expecting him to put elastics down the middle. I hadn't had middle elastics for a week. They buzz when I talk. Even worse, he double elasticed (elasticed? Is that a word?) down the middle. Now I look like I have a nasty mouth booger. It is very noticable when I smile or talk.

In better news, I can take all my elastics off for up to 4 hours a day and next week he said I might get 12 hours a day. This enables me to do all my workshops, elastic free. I try and save my elastic-free time for meals but it is nice to work without them. Today, I had to do a three hour workshop so I'm guessing I'm in elastic prison for the rest of the day.

Honestly, I thought the food would get better. It is still soup, only lumpier. I can swallow pills now (very handy since I had a headache yesterday). Otherwise, not much goes in. My salvation is scrambled eggs. However, I can't get them in with a regular spoon, a baby spoon or a fork. Fingers work. Not pretty, but they work. You don't want to see me eat. Needless to say, I am drinking something simple like Ensure at work so I don't scare people. I tried some flaky fish and I even gummed part of a muffin and a french fry. The results did not justify the effort so I gave up. I've stopped blendering like a maniac as the only recipe that worked was eggs/toast. Everything else was just liquid goo.

I haven't had a headache since the surgery. I was rejoicing. Yesterday, I had a headache after starting back to work. Coincidence? I swear the carpets are mouldy. I actually had a good day workwise but I noticed that I was stuffed up.

A word about pain. I have some. This is really the first week I've had some. Maybe I'm overdoing the talking since I haven't done it in a while. I noticed that I get more of it at night. Perhaps I'm sleeping funny? I'm not sure whether the sharper pain in my left jaw is worse than the numb/prickly pain on the right. Today, the right side feels exactly like water trickling down my chin. I keep worrying that I'm drooling or spilling because I was doing that a lot when I started drinking out of a cup again. Because of the numbness, I don't always know I have mouth incontinence until I see it on my shirt.

As if going back to work (and having my coworker laid off) wasn't stressful enough, I have 8 more hockey games this week and a new puppy. Puppy is very cute but very needy. He needs constant attention until he suddenly drops off to sleep. We took the very small car to go pick him up (2 hours away). The plan was that I would put a blanket on my lap and hold him. In fact, he immediately wanted to jump into the back seat and spent the whole ride with the three kids. They are the only ones who can tire him out. The little monkey jumped up yesterday and almost hit my chin. Ack!

New puppy went out into the backyard with the kids. I told them to take a leash but they didn't. Puppy crawled in through a hole in the hottub enclosure and got stuck. My husband wasn't even two minutes out the door. I couldn't get puppy to back up and out. My husband stole my toolbox again leaving me with one multi-tool in my possession. I had to unbolt the side of the hottub enclosure to get puppy out. While I was doing this, he fell asleep.

I'm seeing the OS again on Friday. I guess we'll see what happens next.

Boring is good...right?

Honestly, not much to report. I saw my OS on Friday. He took off the bands and let me brush as much of my mouth as I could reach. It was kind of scary. I guess I was thinking my jaw would fall off or something. Actually, it was also gross. There were lots of bits of food stuck in there. I've been a lot more careful straining my soups this week. The OS said I looked fine and removed the middle elastic band, keeping the other four. It really helps! The middle elastic band kept me from pronouncing certain letters and it had a tendency to twang like a banjo resulting in a nasty buzzing sensation.

I actually went to both my son's hockey games this weekend. Yay! (even though they got their butts kicked in game #2.) The second game was almost two hours away and we rode on a bus to get there. It sucked in that I couldn't make myself understood over the noise of the engine and everyone avoided me as a result. I even had to get another mother to order my son lunch. Feeling useless has been one of the worst parts of this.

My speech is better. My family can make out most of what I'm saying. I haven't used the board much in the last two days. I'm just hoping that I'm good for next Monday. I'm supposed to be going back to work. There is so much to worry about. Will I be able to talk? What will I eat? Will I survive a whole day? What if my coworkers have stolen all my paperclips? ha ha. It will be a sad week because one of the head honchos is coming to visit...and that means my co-worker will be let go. Just back in time to say goodbye.

This Friday is the big day - I see the OS and I am supposed to get the splint off. I'm not sure about the elastic arrangement at that point.

I've scared myself a couple of times with the splint. Sneezing and yawning are always adventures and for a couple of seconds, I pop out of the splint. I slipped today and chomped on my splint really hard. Everything was okay but it freaked me out. I have only broken one elastic. That was on the first day home so I think it was a dud anyway.

My bruising is all but gone. My chin is a bit puffy but I had a fat chin before so who would even notice? I have officially lost 12 pounds so that's okay by me. I have a lot of pins and needles going on in the right chin area so maybe that area will come back some day. Lucky for me, I have full control of my mouth and face. There is just one dead spot on my lower right lip and chin. Confession - I have experienced "mouth incontinence" as someone so colorfully put it. If I don't hold the glass right, there is dribbling. Ack! What if I dribble at work?

Nobody has said anything like, "Gee you look different" or "great" or anything. To me, I just look like someone who is trying very hard to hold their mouth closed. It isn't necessarily an improvement but I know it is early days and I must be patient.

Embarrassing moment today: I had a chatty supermarket clerk who kept asking me questions so I had to explain and then everyone in line heard. Ugh.

Funny moment of the week - I lit a candle yesterday and when I went to blow it out, I realized that I had no "blow". Nada. Nothing. Good thing it wasn't my birthday cake ha ha

Day 9 - I got the liquid diet blues!

I am not lying. For lunch, I took the leftover Kraft dinner, added some milk and blendered it until it was drinkable. Yep. I'm not proud but I wanted something remotely cheesy. It was nasty (but cheesy!)

I'm all done my foot-tasting antibiotic and just have to rinse with an extra strong mouthwash three times per day. I saw the OS two days ago. He gave me the bad news. Two more weeks with the splint and tight bands. Today, it was sinking in. No talking. No eating. I see why people go crazy. On the positive side, I did get to see a very cool xray of my new hardware. The OS was pleased with his handiwork and said that I have less swelling than most people at this stage but way more bruising. What can I say? I'm a colorful character.

The poor woman in the hospital bed next to me was there. She was decidedly puffy looking. She tried to smile and waved. I totally understood her expression.

You know what I did? I spent yesterday and today baking and cooking. I made muffins and brownies and bread...I even made homemade dog biscuits and chicken jerky. I had a bad moment when I went to lick off the icing spoon and realized a) I didn't have a tongue I could use and b) there was no way on earth that icing was getting in. So close...

My family is enjoying my domesticity. I was actually more depressed today than on day 5. Life just seems like one bad cup of soup after another. I did have a lukewarm cup of hot chocolate and that was pretty good.

One of my more frustrating experiences was my husband buying me a chocolate milkshake at McDonalds. I thought, "It's drinkable, right?" Wrong. It was too thick. I had to wait and wait for it to become room temperature before I could get it down. Not nearly as pleasant that way.

Wow. This post is really food obsessed.

I'm actually happy to announce that 8 pounds have disappeared. Yay! I obviously lack willpower and needed to be forcibly kept away from food. O cheese, real cheese, I miss you so!

Day 5

Hey, I have a chin!  And it's day 5. Isn't Day 5 supposed to be the "gloom and doom day"? I feel better. The swelling is down in my face and my leg is responding to a combination of ice and muscle relaxants. My antibiotic still tastes like feet but I only have a day and a half left. Yay!

I can wiggle my lips around. I can even pout. I am the Master of the mouth. Well, most of it. I still have problems with the right lower lip. I guess I'm not the Master just yet but there is hope.

I was so frustrated last night. I really wanted to talk! Forget about yelling, (see Old Yeller). I wanted to say anything. I have a little text to speech program on my phone but it really isn't helpful when people need an answer right now. I find that I'm hiding from my family so I won't be expected to communicate. Out of 4 other people, only 2 can read my white board either.

I think I've lost some weight. I wasn't sure before. When I came home, I actually weighed more than when I went in. I think I lost ten pounds of pee. The nurses had me saturated with the IV. I was in the bathroom so much in the first couple of days. Now, I'm down to my lowest weight in a long time. I'm actually eating pretty well. I never met a trauma I couldn't eat my way through :)

And I still want bacon.

Day 4

I do believe the swelling has gone down. I have actual cheeks again. My bruises are amazing. I've got the entire blue/green spectrum covered as well as violet. I've also got bruising on my arms (IV) and legs (compression leggings). In fact, I look like I had a heck of a fight. (Did I win?)

I want bacon. I really, really want bacon. I would have drunk a bacon shake if I had one. At one point, I went to the kitchen for a snack and realized that I couldn't have anything. Well, not true. I did have a peanut butter smoothie. It looked bad but it tasted gooooood!. It wasn't bacon though.

Someone sent me a McDonald's coupon. Thanks. I'll get right on that...NOT.

I can feel my lips, hooks, and elastics. Feeling has been gradually coming back. It is a bit like pins and needles with the odd sharp pain but it is all good. I can feel almost all of the left side of my face now. My right side is dead. I can feel my hand on there but it feels just like dentist freezing.

I though I would write a note about what I found helpful/not helpful at the hospital.

I used my whiteboard and pens, my phone, and my slippers. I briefly used my word puzzle book and I did do some reading but gave up quickly because my vision was a bit blurred. The hospital gave me syringes, a gown to wear with the IV, and vaseline for my lips. They also gave me an icepack sleeve to take home. I'm glad I didn't buy a head wrap. I would have hardly used it.

I have graduated to a sippy cup for most things. I'm using one of the kiddie kind with a spout. I tried an adult version but I can't feel the spout on it with my lips. I poured stuff all over myself. I've used the syringe for somethings too. If the texture is a bit thicker, it is sometimes hard to sip.

I'm glad I bought 3 little squirt bottles - water, juice, and saline rinse. They make life a bit easier. I wish I hadn't bought the nutrisqueeze packs. They look nice but I found that the straw is too flat and I can't feel it in my mouth. The first time I tried, I wore the package. If I was to do it again, I would package everything in little containers.

I finally took a muscle relaxant today. Hooray! I finally got some relief from my left leg. I tried crushing some advil too. It burned so badly going down. I'm hesitant to try it again. Maybe the muscle relaxant will be enough. It also made me very sleepy so I spent most of the day lying down. I have no attention span and I'm really shaky on my feet.

Day 3

I felt kind of down today. I'm still not sleeping and the leg is still cramping. We had hockey tickets and I couldn't go. However, it was a relief to have a quiet house. It has been very stressful not being able to talk to my kids. I can't tell them anything. I can only say "Um hm". My little guy has been extra clingy and wanted to stay in bed with me all day. He keeps saying, "Mama, owie? I will take care of Mama".

 I had a shower. A real shower. With water and everything. I am clean.

I still can't fully support my weight on my leg. My knees keep buckling.

Day Two

I'm still alive but going a bit nuts. I haven't slept properly since I had surgery. I've taken tons of advil and tylenol for leg cramps. I never thought it would be my legs that would bother me. I dutifully used a heating pad on my face and spread Arnica cream. I've got some major bruises.

Speaking of legs and such, my antibiotic (Dalacin) tastes like feet. More specifically, slightly fruit-flavored feet. I'm giving up on Children's Advil. In order to get an adult, extra strength dose, I have to drink a huge amount. Same thing with Children's Tylenol.

I tried drinking a homemade smoothie today. For some reason, it would just not go down. It would pool in my mouth and then when I opened my lips, it all came back out again. I feel like a dribbly baby. Sometimes, I get a kind of suction buildup with my splint. Then nothing goes down. It's hard to explain.

My sister insisted she was coming by to see me. Why? To take more blackmail pictures? Don't you have enough from our childhood already? Anyway, she texted to say she felt like she had the flu and she was staying home. The flu? I shuddered.

Day One

I finally gave up on sleeping around 8. My back hurt, my leg was cramping, and I was HUNGRY!!! When my breakfast came, they had mistakenly given me rolled oats. Sure, torture a girl when she is down. If I could have stuffed those in somehow, I would have. My proper breakfast eventually came. Homo milk again and my friend, Ensure.

Last night, on one of my frequent bathroom trips, I happened to glance in the mirror. I know, how come I didn't look before? A. Too scared B. Too tired to care.    Yikes!!! I was one big swollen face from the eyes down. My lips were huge!!!! I have pictures. I can prove it.

My OS dropped by at 10:30. I could tell he was pleased with his handiwork. He told me I could leave after 2 if I wanted to. My husband came with my youngest son and daughter a few minutes later. Despite sending him an advance picture, he was still quite surprised by my swelling. The kids were also shocked. I drew a pumpkin head on my whiteboard and they laughed. They agreed to come by later and pick me up.

I had lunch and the nurse did up my paperwork. She gave me prescriptions for an antibiotic and a mouthwash. She then tried to take out my IV. She put on a little bandaid and it seemed all was well. She turned away to do some paperwork. I looked down and started grunting at her (Hey, I grunt. At least I'm communicating). My bandage, the gown and the pillow had blood on them. She had to rebandage me.

My husband took me home. I would be lying if I said the car ride was pleasant. My leg was spasming and I felt dizzy. As soon as I got home, I went right to sleep for about an hour. I came out of my room and the first thing I saw was the dog. I mentioned my chicken dog. She took one look at me with my ice pack around my head and started growling. I had to let her smell me before she remembered who I was. The rest of the day was blurry. I tried to sleep on and off.

At one point, I was lying on my side (yes, it was allowed). and my nose became congested. I woke up in a complete panic. I swear, there is no air getting in or out through my mouth. In theory, I know it is possible. In reality, it wasn't happening. I had to gently blow my nose and use nasal spray. My heart was pounding so badly I just about passed out.

Thinking my sinuses needed a good rinse, I tried my neti pot. DON'T DO THIS!!! Again, a horrible sensation of not being able to breathe at all. I also had an episode where some Ensure went down the wrong way and I had to cough. Coughing is scary. I was worried I'd rip my jaw off.

Day of Surgery

I'm having to back track and post because I've been out of it for a few days.

The day before surgery was terrible. The hospital support staff staged an illegal strike and a lot of surgeries were cancelled. Fortunately, they all decided to go back to work on the Friday. Guys like my OS got to keep their scheduled surgeries. It was literally down to the wire though. I was told that I might not get in until March 5.Thanks for adding to the stress. I kept thinking, "But I can't go then, I've got to get back to work". As if that is the most important thing.

I got to the hospital at 8:15. I checked in and was given my own little cubicle #22. I had a tearful goodbye with my husband. He couldn't stay because someone had to be with the kids. A nurse came and did some paperwork with me. Someone came to take some blood. The nurse came back and tried to start the IV but she failed. I have a nice bruise to remember her by. I read and read. It was pretty boring which isn't a great thing when one is contemplating one's mortality. I played a bit on my phone too. Boooring! I got to wear my little hospital gown (PS. they really haven't improved the design since I delivered my son).

My "ride" showed up at 10:30. I told him to drive fast and take all the corners on two wheels. I'm sure he was thinking "Oh boy, already gave this one the good drugs". He took me to pre-surgery and I waited some more. Answered some more questions. Couldn't read or play on my phone because they had already taken my belongings away. The young guy next to me was out of it and the older lady to my right didn't fully speak English. We tried to talk anyway. It's funny how important talking becomes when you realize you won't do it for a while. I was babbling to everyone!

At 11:00, the anethetist came and put my IV line in. My OS said hello briefly and I was happy to see he was sober and apparently well-rested. The nurse gave me a surgical cap to wear (not a good look for me). At 11:15, they took me to the OR and got me to slide over onto the table. Yep, it looked like an OR just like when I had my twins. Why do they make that table so darn narrow? It was hard too. I glanced at the clock one more time and it was almost 11:30. The anethetist said she was now adding something to my IV line. Immediately, I lost the vertical hold on my vision. I couldn't even open my eyes because I was seeing triples of everything. She then told me I would sleep. I did.

I remember waking up and thinking, "WHAT?!? Already? Oh, yay! I'm alive!" I didn't have a tube in but I could feel the splint in my mouth. Someone noticed I was awake and began talking to me. I think I gave someone the thumbs up. I remember being pushed to my room and asked to move over to my bed. At that point, I was sick.

WARNING!!! NASTY CONTENT!!!

I had been really afraid of throwing up after surgery. The nurse said it was normal and helped to get rid of blood in the stomach. The pressure was awful and I sprayed blood everywhere. I really do mean sprayed. Imagine a high pressured faucet with a clogged head - the spray is forced out every which way. The nurse was right though. I did feel way better afterwards. I was lucky. I didn't have any more nausea after that.
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The next part is blurry. I was in and out of sleep. I know I came back to the room about 2:30. At one point, I thought, "I should text my husband". I fell asleep. I finally got my phone back....and fell asleep with the phone in my hand. I woke up long enough for supper...homo milk and beef broth. It was so good even though I had not mastered the syringe. (It's amazing how fast you learn when you are hungry!). After I ate, I fell asleep. I finally got a text through at 8 pm....and then fell asleep.

All night I woke up off and on. I had these compression leggings on that inflated and deflated every 30 sec or so. I also found the bed to be very uncomfortable even with all the controls. My back and legs started to spasm. It was a very long night. The girl next to me had something similar done (not that we chatted or anything!). She threw up a lot.

I had my IV in and I had to ask for help every time I wanted to use the washroom. I had a button to push in order to get morphine. Honestly, I pushed it a few times and I couldn't even tell I if it did anything or not. For all I know, I got the placebo button. On the other hand, the call button really worked. I pushed it and a nurse came running right away. They were very nice there and very supportive. To add to my happy moments, my orthodontist sent me a basket of recovery goodies.

2 more sleeps

As my kids would say, 2 more sleeps. Can a person ever really be prepared? My husband has at least embraced the concept and is offering suggestions of support rather than telling me not to do it.

It helped that I talked to one of my acquaintances yesterday. She told me that she had upper jaw surgery when she was 19. She said the recovery was horrible but she would do it again because the results were so great. She has such a nice face. It is good to see the end result.

Apparently, I have to survive and do well. I am needed at work. My colleague's departure has been moved up to March 14. We also decided to look for a new office building. Goody, goody! Didn't the doctor say something about no heavy lifting? I'm sorry, I won't be able to do the nasty, sweaty, dirty work...doctor's orders!

I have been preparing my bedroom arsenal for survival mode. So far, I have extra icepacks in the kitchen fridge, 2 magic hot bags, a heating pad, and a pile of extra pillows. My husband found a large box of fluffy romance novels in the house he renovated so that's by the bed too. I've got wireless and I'm going to move my computer in so I can do updates (and play silly games, of course). I've got wipes, saline spray, and vaseline. I've stocked up on comfie pj's and my ipod has tunes.

I'm also bringing home work to do. Just in case. Part of me hopes I'm too sick for work but well enough to scrapbook :) I'm debating about getting a month free of Netflicks. I'm way behind on my movie watching. I know me, though. If I start thinking about work, it will drive me nuts if I don't have the work with me. If I have the work with me...maybe I won't think about it at all!

Okay, I'm done babbling. Nerves are getting to me.

Cold, cold stay away

"Son, I am not a kleenex. Please stop wiping your nose on me. And sneezing on me. And coughing on me".

I said that a few times this weekend. Poor little guy coughed so much that he threw up. I was trying to be sympathetic Mommy when part of me was screaming inside, "No! I can't be sick on Friday!" So far, I've just been a little sick. If I can just keep it from turning into something bronchial. As of yesterday, I'm not to take any vitamin supplements (like anything I would normally take to fight off a cold) or anything with advil in it (like Advil cold and sinus - my normal cold savior).

I survived the h*ll weekend. One hockey tournament. Check. One puppy mermaid cake. Check. One birthday party with little girls. Check.

The birthday party was amusing. The girls wanted to play the Wii. When the boys play, they fight over the remotes and often fight each other in the game instead of playing cooperatively. When the girls played, they fought over who got to be Princess Peach. I swear, they spent more time dressing up their characters than they did actually playing.

My goals this week: Laundry, more pureed foods, and cleaning up my recovery bedroom. I also need to write a schedule for my husband. He does better when I write things down (plus, when he disputes it later, I have it in writing!) I've got a few things to do at work. I have to hand over the equipment manager job for the hockey team. Then, I can collapse and "enjoy" my surgery.

Honestly, if the hockey coach asks me one more time how I'm doing after my surgery....Do I look like I've had surgery, buddy? When I've had surgery, you'll know it!

I have two food cravings this week. I really like cheese and my husband brought home a very nice Havarti last week. I don't think I'll get much cheese for the next several weeks. (Cheese that has melted or been inserted in another dish does not count). My other craving is Cadbury Easter Cream eggs. Yum! They are hard enough to eat with braces. This surgery will keep me out of both the leftover Valentine's candy and the Easter candy.

If the Easter Bunny brings me a pureed Easter Cream Egg, I shall not be amused!

Stay calm and carry on.

I went to the oral surgeon yesterday. He didn't pat me on the head like last time. (Does that mean I wasn't a good girl this time? Hmmm) He spent a lot of time fiddling with the plaster mold of my teeth. He'd chip at the model with his knife, then fit the teeth together, then color certain sections with a colored pen. This went on for a while. He looked at my jaw movement again and had me make certain facial expressions. He said , "Mm" and "hmm" a lot. I figured he was an artist at work so I didn't say anything.

He did answer as many of my questions as he could. Here's a summary:
1. How long banded? About 6 weeks
2. Tightly banded and on liquid diet? 3 weeks and then on puree for about another 3 weeks.
3. Ability to talk - possible but not probable with tight bands. I.e. probably not able to give presentations at work for at least 3 weeks. He did say I might be okay to go back to work after 2 weeks if I just sat at my desk. I could us a text-to-speech program to answer questions.
4. Splint or no splint? splint :(
5. Hospital stay? Probably just one night.
6. Followup appointments? Once a week for the first few weeks.
7. Drugs? He told me he'd send me home with a "bunch of stuff". He said that would include something for pain, something for nausea, and an antibacterial mouthwash. I assume I also get an antibiotic.
8. Sinus rinses? He said it was okay but that I might not want to for a few days as my nose is liable to be irritated from the nasal tube in the hospital.
9. Changes in appearance? He told me I "might" see an improvement in my appearance but to give it time as many people have swelling for months afterward. He also said it might take months or forever for certain areas to retain their feeling.

He actually told me that I could eat anything that I could dribble into my mouth - even purees. He said that although the front teeth are tight, there would be a space between my molars that the food could go through. He said, "Getting food past your lips might be the challenging part".

I know people worry about getting stuff stuck in the splint and their braces. He said, "You'll have lots of stuff stuck but the antibacterial mouthwash will blast all the bacteria so it won't be a problem". Sounds nasty just the same.

I'm hoping I don't have a full fledged panic attack in recovery. He told me, "You will wake up. Your face will feel weirdly numb. You won't be able to open your mouth at all. You will also feel the splint and likely a tube down your nose. Your head will be wrapped in ice packs". I guess they can always stick something "special" in my IV line if I start to freak out.

My oral surgeon was so calm through the whole appointment. He strikes me as someone who would calmly say, "Oh look. We've hit an artery. How interesting". I don't want him saying this but I imagine that's how he would sound.

I just about passed out at his office. It wasn't from the information...it was from my surgery bill. I knew it was coming but it still made me dizzy. Here we have to pay the bill up front. In the olden days, they probably had to hunt people down, break their jaw again and steal back their teeth if they didn't pay. This way is likely easier.

That reminds me of  a story I heard on the news. A woman had breast implants and her husband paid for them. When they divorced, he wanted visitation. If my husband and I ever split (hopefully not!), would he retain shares in my teeth? Are they a marital asset?

My husband said last night, "I don't know why you have to do this anyway. I think you should just leave your teeth alone. You look fine". ACK!!! Did he miss the part where I've been having joint pain and headaches? Did I not show him the reports from 3 separate orthodontists and two dentists? Obviously, he was watching the lips move but had the sound turned off.

I told him I needed him to put on his supportive husband face and say things like, "Everything will be okay. You're doing great. Your head is much, much smaller than a pumpkin". He found a text-to-speech app for his phone and spent the evening sending messages like, "Your head is  smaller than a pumpkin but your butt is much bigger" and "Everything will be okay...I had the doctor put something special in your IV".

No pressure, right?

Work was very supportive about me taking two, possibly three weeks off. I've been frank with them. I told them that my return was based on the ability to communicate efficiently. I don't really care if I look like a freak. Honestly, I have naturally curly hair and I've had days I'm a bit scary anyway. My loving sister once compared me to a character on an old TV show (HR Puffinstuff) named "Witchy-Poo". Swelling? Bruising? I'll have a bad hair day...no one will notice.

Anyway, Work tells me today that the new budget comes in Apr 1 and by the way, they will probably lay off my coworker who is supposed to cover at the end of March for the only other coworker who will be on holidays. (Did you follow all that?) I may not be a genius with math but three staff minus two staff leaves me running the classroom by myself. I'm going to need a personal trainer to get my jaw in shape by then (And a therapist to get over the loss of my coworker :( )

I'll have to teach algebra. I hate algebra ( I did mention the "not a genius at math" ). All I can say is that co-worker #2, who is going to Hawaii, had better bring me back a nice present. On the other hand, he normally has to teach all the algebra. Maybe a guy who has to teach algebra deserves a little holiday.

When I teach algebra, do I get to go to Hawaii?

I wish I had more people to ask about their recovery from jaw surgery. Whenever I do a search for BSSO, I pull up a lot of hits for people getting both jaws done. I can sympathize but not completely relate. I wish I could say that in six weeks, I'm sure to be happily chatting (even if it is about algebra). In fact, I wish I could think much beyond next week.

I'm off to see the oral surgeon today with many questions.

Crankier and Canker

I did say I was going to get a cold, didn't I? I woke up this morning with a sore throat and a runny nose. I swear that I washed my hands, avoided contact with sick people, blah blah blah. It had to have been the orthodontist's office. Ain't nothin' natural about havin' people put their hands in yer mouth. Or it could have been the fact my kids were sick the last few days.

I'm still having problems with my bottom middle hook. I accidentally left my wax at home yesterday and ended up with a monster canker sore. I'm back on the wax today.

Tomorrow is the big day of meeting with the OS. I have a list of questions but I don't know if it is a good list or not. I seem to be very focused on the post-surgical food and not on the actual procedure. "Sure, go ahead and play with the bones in my head...what's for supper?" In the back of my head, there's a little voice chanting, "Don't let me be a statistic. Don't let me be a statistic". I don't want to be the one the doctors have to write up as the exception or the Case-Study-Where-We-Learned-From-Our-Mistakes. I am trying very hard not to think about permanent nerve damage, brain damage, or worse. Plus, I like food.

I bought a big bucket of chocolate ice cream for my recovery. This isn't the good kind that you savor. This is the kind you mix into chocolate milkshakes. My sister wanted to know what she could do to help with my recovery. I told her, "I can have all the milkshakes I want. Recovery can't be that bad".

I'm not sure my gallbladder will agree. I have one gallstone. I call him Charlie. Last time he was measured, he was about 1.5 cm around. He occasionally changes position and causes me pain but not enough that I've ever done anything about it. I was told that sudden weight loss, a diet high in dairy products, or spicy food could trigger another attack. It just occurred to me that I have 2 out of 3 covered with my surgery! Hang in there, Charlie.

Must go blow nose and feel sorry for self.

One Last Weekend

It occurred to me today that I have only one more weekend of being "normal". I had planned to spend it in relaxing, self-preparing ways...like doing laundry. Or cleaning. Maybe even doing something with my husband. Oh, who am I kidding? I don't get relaxing weekends. Maybe this is good. The time will just fly by.

I don't want time to fly by. I'm scared :(

I got an email this morning, "Sorry, I forgot to tell you there was a hockey tournament on Saturday". Great! I can just schedule that in between the other kid going to hockey in a completely different town and baking a birthday cake in the shape of a puppy mermaid. (Yes, I did write puppy mermaid on purpose. My daughter always has complicated themes).  I have a bunch of little girls coming over on Sunday to make a craft with colored sand. Sand? Colored sand no less. There's a craft that we'll remember all year as we try to get it out of the carpet. "Hey, look! I just stepped on part of your birthday party". Almost as bad as when I hid the Easter eggs and lost track of where I put them.

I'm pretty sure there is no Laundry Fairy and if there was, she'd smell the hockey bags and just keep on going. That leaves me doing laundry on Sunday night. Is there a sexy, relaxing way to do laundry? Do tell.

At this rate, I'll have time to sit and contemplate my surgery about the time they wheel me into recovery.

Woof!

Happily, life goes on even with surgical hooks. The bottom one is still being a pain but I'm managing. Thank you, my friend Wax. I'm having problems with eating in public. I thought eating with braces was bad enough but having hooks is worse. They are food magnets. With braces, I can brush and floss and rinse...and I still will have some little chunk of something appear later on. Yay, snacks! Ewww.  Hooks grab and hold onto everything right from the start. Yesterday I had pizza. I shall not elaborate.

Note to self: Avoid celery.

I feel like I did before I went into labour with my son. The "nursery" is  complete and this "baby" is ready for surgery. I've done my shopping, prepared some food, and my room is set up. I have one last meeting with the oral surgeon on Thurs. This is the big one where I get to ask questions.

Here's a funny story about my OS. Last time I saw him, he looked in my mouth and wiggled my jaw around. He patted me on the head and said, "Good girl!". Hanging around dogs too much, buddy? Just think, in a month, I'll have learned how to beg for food too. "Give me solid food! Give me solid food! Pleeeeeeeease!"

Speaking of dogs, I wonder if our dog will recognize me when my face is all swollen. She doesn't always recognize me when I change my coat. She's a  Bear dog and her natural instinct is to go after bears. She goes crazy when I put my big brown winter coat on.  My friend told me a look like a Sasquatch in it. (I'm choosing to take that as a compliment).  What is the dog going to do when it is still my body but I have a pumpkin for a head?

Thank goodness we didn't get a pumpkin dog :)

The sum of the parts...

My nutrisqueeze bags came yesterday www.craniorehab.com. They were pricey but I think they will really help with nutrition post surgery. I don't think I would enjoy filling up a syringe over and over. I blended soups and smoothies and bagged them for the freezer. It was weird looking at all these little bags of nutrition. My husband came in and said, "OMG, what is that horrible stuff? It looks like puke!". Darling, that is my dinner...and breakfast...and lunch. He said, "Can't you just get nutrition some other way?". Hmm, last I checked, there were only two ends to the digestive tract and I'm not sticking anything the other way!

I have to admit, it did look pretty awful. Some things are better left as separate entities. I heard about one person who blended liver and onions. You have to be pretty desperate to try that. I also heard about blending a pizza.

This whole food experience reminds me of when I worked on a geriatric floor of a hospital. There were people there with dysphagia (swallowing disorder). Everyday , they would have to eat purees. One day, they had pureed lasagna (orange), broccoli (green), and an unknown substance (yellow). Each was carefully served in a precise ice cream scoop lump. It was very pretty until one realized it was actually lunch. This keeps me humble. If they have to eat it day after day, who am I to complain about 6 weeks of glorp.

Britney and Potatoes

I've officially booked off two weeks at work with the option of taking a third week off. I have a job where I have to talk a lot (and loudly!). I give workshops to adult learners. Ironically, my first workshop when I go back to work is "Communication". My coworkers jokingly(?) suggested I tape myself and then lip-sync. It didn't work for Britney Spears and she's much cuter than me.

I've lot a lot of plans for how to spend my recovery. I hope I'm recovered enough to enjoy them. I want to scrapbook even if drooling on the pages is a possibility. I think this would be a good time to take my free month of Netflix. I have lots of books to read and games to play. The OS told me no household chores. I wanted him to put it into writing so I could give it to my husband. Tell him I can't do anything for...let's say, three weeks, no, make it a month. I'm not greedy. No laundry, no mom taxi, no toilet scrubbing...sounds like a heavenly vacation to me even if I have a swollen potato head and pain.

Speaking of potatoes...When I was pregnant with the twins, the doctor told me I needed to be on bedrest. At one of my appointments, my husband jokingly asked if it was still okay for me to dig potatoes. (Doctor had NO sense of humor!!) I asked my OS if he would tell my husband - no potato digging. :)

And now for something completely different...surgical hooks

I went to the orthodontist yesterday. I said, "Surprise me!". 10 surgical hooks later...five on the top and five on the bottom. The ones in the middle stick out and catch on everything - lips, clothing, food (especially lettuce!). On the up side, I could hang small Christmas ornaments from my teeth if I wanted to. On a negative note, I have become "kissing challenged". If I had known, I would have spent more time kissing my husband beforehand. :(

This was my last orthodontist appointment before the Big Event. Her staff were all cooing over me like I was a little baby bird about to leave the nest. There were lots of jokes like, "I guess we won't see that face around here again!". They even made me a post surgical appointment, which was quite reassuring. It implies that there is an after-the-surgery. I'm still squinting that far into the future.

I haven't caught a cold...yet. My little guy was up in the night with an earache so I spent a lot of time holding a small boy who was wiping his tears and nose on me. Oh well. A boy just needs his Mama sometimes and it's all part of the job. If I get sick, I'll blame the orthodontist.

Maybe the hooks will scare away germs. I do look like a piercing session gone wrong.

Old Yeller

This isn't about the Disney movie that made me cry [Bad Disney, you always make me cry!]. This is about me. I'm a Yeller. I admit it. I try to talk in a calm voice but I can't be heard over three children who have all inherited my quantity and my husband's volume of babble. We are a household that never shuts up. We even talk in our sleep.

I'm going to have my mouth banded shut for six weeks. I'm strongly tempted to record myself saying a number of "mom" things - "Pick up your coat!",  "Don't touch your sister!", "Don't put your gum on the cat!" The twins can read - maybe I can make some signs. Is it too late to train them to respond to flags? Maybe I could program subliminal messages onto the Wii.

"Hey Mom, Mario says we need to clean our rooms now! Luigi just told me not to put gum on the cat!"

One of the little plague monsters came down with a cold this weekend. They must lick every water fountain and child in school because they get every cold. I get every cold they get. A cold before surgery = BAD! Will the surgeon do the surgery if I have a cold? Would I want him to do the surgery?

I have to go to the orthodontist's office next week. That's a great place to pick up germs. It's filled with kids. (me old lady - everyone under 25 looks like kids to me) You just have to open your mouth and the germs make a beeline for you. Sadly, I do a lot of mouth opening at the orthodontist's. [just a note: have you ever noticed that the staff always ask you the really important questions right before they stuff the biggest dental tool in your mouth? How do they time that so well?] I'm really not a germ phobic - I'd just like to avoid a cold in the next three weeks. Colds mean chicken soup...crap.... soup is practically all I get to eat when I'm banded shut. I'm going to miss solid food so much.

I might even miss yelling.

Starting the journey

In 3 weeks, I will have major surgery on my lower jaw - a bilateral sagittal split osteotomy or BSSO. I've known for a long time that I'd have to do something about my overbite. Even as a kid, I was called "Bucky the Beaver" and "Bunny teeth" (kids are cruel, right?). As a teenager, I played the flute and my strangely shaped mouth turned out to be an asset. My parents were told that getting it fixed would be the thing to do - they refused on the grounds that I didn't need to by "prettied up". Crap. They even had insurance for it.

As an adult, I saw three different oral surgeons who all told me the same thing "get the jaw fixed or you'll have trouble later" and "nice teeth -too bad your jaw won't support them and they will evenually fall out". About 9 years ago, I tried to start the process but I had to stop. My twins turn 8 next week. Finally, I'm in a position to go ahead. I've done the braces thing since October 2009. The orthodontist said, "It will get worse before it gets better". Yep.

I almost had to stop the project about a year ago. The oral surgeon questionned whether or not my jaw joints were stable enough for the surgery. Let me get this straight...I can't have the surgery to stabilize my jaw because my jaw isn't stable? Fortunately, I got the green light. Since then, I've had increasing jaw pain and tension as well as headaches. I really need this surgery. I'm not really caring so much about how I look after Although now that I mention it, I could sacrifice one of my two chins, really! And if I just happened to lose some weight from drinking all my meals and it stayed off, who am I to fight that? :)

In some ways, three weeks seems like a short time. I have three birthday parties to arrange, at least two hockey games every weekend until then, a business trip, and two more specialist appointments. Add to this, my daughter now tells me she can't see the board at school (eye appointment, here we come!) On the other hand, I'm not wanting to rush this. I'm really scared by the thought of anesthetic and someone messing with the nerves in my face. I'm very imaginative...I can think of lots of horror stories.

The weirdest thing I saw so far selling some type of jaw product. I wish I could remember what it was but I'm an old lady and the memory goes. They had different prices for one jaw, two jaws, and 2+ jaws. How many people do you know who have more than 2 jaws? Maybe you are supposed to bring a friend?

I almost forgot..why "just one jaw". I'm feeling a bit inadequate. I post on archwired.com, a support site for people with braces. Everyone seems to be having more than one jaw done (but not 3!!!). By comparison, my surgery seems almost...trivial.

Remind me of this in about...three weeks.