Old Yeller

This isn't about the Disney movie that made me cry [Bad Disney, you always make me cry!]. This is about me. I'm a Yeller. I admit it. I try to talk in a calm voice but I can't be heard over three children who have all inherited my quantity and my husband's volume of babble. We are a household that never shuts up. We even talk in our sleep.

I'm going to have my mouth banded shut for six weeks. I'm strongly tempted to record myself saying a number of "mom" things - "Pick up your coat!",  "Don't touch your sister!", "Don't put your gum on the cat!" The twins can read - maybe I can make some signs. Is it too late to train them to respond to flags? Maybe I could program subliminal messages onto the Wii.

"Hey Mom, Mario says we need to clean our rooms now! Luigi just told me not to put gum on the cat!"

One of the little plague monsters came down with a cold this weekend. They must lick every water fountain and child in school because they get every cold. I get every cold they get. A cold before surgery = BAD! Will the surgeon do the surgery if I have a cold? Would I want him to do the surgery?

I have to go to the orthodontist's office next week. That's a great place to pick up germs. It's filled with kids. (me old lady - everyone under 25 looks like kids to me) You just have to open your mouth and the germs make a beeline for you. Sadly, I do a lot of mouth opening at the orthodontist's. [just a note: have you ever noticed that the staff always ask you the really important questions right before they stuff the biggest dental tool in your mouth? How do they time that so well?] I'm really not a germ phobic - I'd just like to avoid a cold in the next three weeks. Colds mean chicken soup...crap.... soup is practically all I get to eat when I'm banded shut. I'm going to miss solid food so much.

I might even miss yelling.